E-Fun with IckyJoey
A vast empire of hipster doofus goo goo ga ga
Knucklehead: An endearing, simple, harmless lug; usually large in stature and menacing only on first impression.
Note: This list would not be possible without considerable help from Rahul.
| Neglected Word/Phrase | More Popular Counterpart |
|---|---|
| Somewhatstitious | Superstitious |
| The Bad Samaritan | The Good Samaritan |
| Gruntled | Disgruntled |
| Embowel | Disembowel |
| Cockmeek | Cocksure |
| Cognize | Recognize |
| Ebriated | Inebriated |
| Vincible | Invincible |
| Clement | Inclement |
| Cruit | Recruit |
| Pro-social | Anti-social |
| Canny | Uncanny |
| Plenish | Replenish |
| Furbish | Refurbish |
| Out-of-whack | Within whack |
| Longs | Shorts (pants) |
| Sheveled | Disheveled |
| Nomer | Misnomer |
| Peccable | Impeccable |
| Advertantly | Inadvertantly |
| Habilitate | Rehabilitate |
| Funct | Defunct |
| Combobulated | Discombobulated |
| Sickness club | Health club |
| With all the frills | No frills |
| The Fake McCoy | The Real McCoy |
| Badbye | Goodbye |
| Remasculate | Emasculate |
| Realpoo | Shampoo |
| A Little Too Jerky | Approved by the P.C. Police |
|---|---|
| midget/dwarf | little person |
| crippled | differently-abled |
| retarded | special |
| old fogey | senior citizen |
| secretary | administrative assistant |
| garbageman | waste engineer |
| temp | consultant |
| bus boy | dining room attendant |
| rent-a-cop | security officer |
| ticket broker | scalper |
| wetback | guest worker |
| drunk | recovering alcoholic |
| drunk | over-served |
| used | previously-driven/previously-owned |
| unemployed | between jobs |
| bum | street person |
| beggar | Street Wise salesman |
| waif-like | bulemic |
| short | vertically challenged |
| fat | full-figured/big-boned/Rubenesque/metabolically-challenged |
| whore | escort |
| stripper | bachelor party specialist/exotic dancer |
| titty bar | gentleman's club |
| bastard | love child |
| Verb | Example |
|---|---|
| "I e-mailed him yesterday and asked him to fax me ASAP." | |
| Beer | "Beer me quick-like or I'll die of thirst." |
| Jones | "I'm jonesing for a slider. Jeeves: to White Castle and step on it!" |
| Monkey | "I was planning to monkey with his feelings but decided it would be more mature to ape his behavior and parrot his every word." |
| Table | "That topic was tabled while you were touching base with Stephen." |
| Weasel | "He weaseled his way out of contributing pizza money even though he pigged out more than anyone else." |
| Stomach | "Tommy, I can't stomach your juvenile demeanor and scatalogical comments--not to mention all the fart jokes." |
| Eighty-six | "We eighty-sixed him after he yelled "Wet nurse!" at the cocktail waitress for the eighty-fifth time." |
| Bogart | "Don't bogart that clove cigarette, my friend." |
| Ax | "He was axed from his job. They axed him to leave." |
| Knee Cap | "I'll knee cap those bastids if they screw up just one more time." |
| Elbow | "At the Bulls pre-season fan convention, I accidentally elbowed Bill Cartwright in the oysters." |
| Verb | "Today I verbed more than eleven nouns." |
| Rim | (example neither available nor appropriate) |
| The Enticement | The Burn |
|---|---|
| "2 for 1" sales | Double the amount of an item you don't want |
| $20 all-you-can-drink special from 6:00 to 9:00 in a bar's party room | A harsh reminder of how much you hate well drinks and bad beer |
| Free internet e-mail service | Innundation with advertising banners that grind performance to a sickening halt |
| 12 CDs for a penny with a commitment to buy only one at the regular price | Shipping and handling=$4.00 per disc |
| Haggle-free car pricing | Non-haggler pays $1000 more than the average haggler |
| Free workout as guest of a health club member | The hard-sell from a Ken doll |
| Value meals at McDonalds and Burger King | The food sucks mud |
| $1 coupon for national brand | After discount, the national brand is still 50 cents more than the store brand which is usually the same product with a different label |
| Free trial membership to a pay-for-content web site | Congratulations. You have just been added to three skrillion mailing lists |
| Mail-in coupon rebate | If you remember to save the UPC label and the original receipt, you decide against using a 5 cent envelope and a 33 cent stamp to get a 50 cent check that may expire before you have a chance to take it to the bank. |
| Best price guarantees | You are not cheapskate enough to find your two week old receipt, head to Best Buy, wait in the Customer Service queue and ask for the $5 rebate you are entitled to now that the item is on sale at Circuit City |
| Free trial newspaper or magazine subscription | You are billed when you forget to cancel at the end of the trial period |
| Free drinks for casino players | I don't have to explain this one, do I? |
| Said | Meant to say |
|---|---|
| Aks | Ask |
| Febuary | February |
| Worsh | Wash |
| Melk | Milk |
| Supposably | Supposedly |
| For all intensive purposes | For all intents and purposes |
| doesn't jive with | doesn't jibe with |
| was the brunt of the joke | bore the brunt of the joke OR was the butt of the joke |
| MacDonalds | McDonalds |
| Jewels | Jewel |
| Sox Park | Comiskey Park |
| Soldiers Field | Soldier Field |
| Less then | Less than |
| Mute | Moot |
| It never seems to amaze me | It never ceases to amaze me |
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